How can I stop him hurting?

Hubby worked late last night, got home at midnight, and as we climbed into bed about half-past, I sensed he wasn't happy. I asked what was wrong, and he didn't want to tell me. Realising that he was carrying something heavy, I wanted to lighten his burden, so asked him to share. He told me that his colleague's wife was pregnant. This is hard enough on its own for us, it being the 9th pregnancy that we have known about since we lost our baby 7 months ago, but there are other factors which on the one hand show God's grace and providence, but for us, selfishly causes more pain. Both of the couple are in their middle thirties, it is a second marriage for both of them, and they have been married for 9 months, they already have 4 children between them. But the biggest thing is that the husband had a vasectomey reversal over the summer which carried a slim chance of working, and here they are 3 months into trying and they fall pregnant. But I could sit here and rationalise why other people shouldn't be pregnant and we should be, but that is a judgemental thing to do, not to mention selfish and destructive.

So last night, after Hubby tells me, he suggests that we pray together. And he prayed so beautifully, committing this latest pregnancy to God, praying for all our pregnant friends, and laying down our family plans to God, asking that we can walk in his will. All of this with tears pouring down his face. Tears of pain, anguish, frustration, anger, but somehow he led us both in God-focused prayer, genuinely wanting us to walk the path God has for us.

But how can I stop him hurting? How can I take his pain away? He no longer wants to share in the symptom spotting each month, he either wants a yes or a no once a month. He doesn't want to get his hopes up to have them dashed time and again, it just hurts too much.

When you love someone, and you go through something like this together, the pain is doubled. You feel the pain for yourself, and then you feel it all over again because your mate is hurting and there is nothing you can do to fix it. I pray daily that God would give him peace, that he would protect his heart from hurt, that God would show his love to him in such an amazing and tangible way.

But each time we hear of a new pregnancy (seems like every other week), each time AF shows up, and we cry tears, it drives us to our knees at the foot of the cross. We know that we cannot handle this alone, and yet, there is a peace when we have prayed. The pain still lingers, but wrongful attitudes are being corrected, and our marriage is strengthened. Hubby may not know it or feel it, but he is emerging as a strong spiritual leader for our family, and that in itself is a blessing.


Mrs. Brigham said…
My heart aches for you guys as I read this post, especially as we can relate so much right now. One morning, last week, I woke up and realized quite literally that every woman in a certain little group in my life is pregnant (and due this summer!) except for me, and slowly but surely, my online Nov '06 die date community is filling up with families expecting another baby. The questions, both online and in "real" life of when Peapod is getting a sibling keep coming as we draw closer to what would be the so-called "perfect" 2 year spacing, and I am always so embarrassed when such things are asked. What are we supposed to say?! "We have "issues" so thank you for bringing it up and ruining my day!" :o(

Through all the pain, anguish, and tears, seeing God bring about growth and goodness from even the most difficult of circumstances is one of the greatest blessings we can receive. I know for me, and also Sean, some of our worst, most painful times brought about the most growth and eventually even the most peace as we learn more and more about handing everything over to God and honestly and truly trusting Him through it all.

We will be praying for you and your husband, Di. No matter what the future holds, I pray that God will take both of you into his arms, giving you both His comfort and peace.
VMPJ said…
Thanks for sharing this. My husband and I are having a hard time with the grief of our loss now, too, and reading about other couples coping with it helps some. My baby's due date is approaching and I'm having so much trouble seeing pregnant women around me, despite being OK for the last month or so.